Fluent Essays

3 page paper over the book titled: "The Self-confidence Workbook" A guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem By Barbara Markway, PhD anf Celia Ampel Please use the attached Rubric for additional help.  Thank you so much. N3335 Promoting Healthy Lifestyles Book Review Instructions NOTE: You'll create a new word document to submit your Book Review as one whole paper instead of typing directly into this document. Overview: Book Review You have selected one of the designated books to read. You will now write a book review that expresses your motivation for selecting the particular book, the impression the book made on you, information from another external, reliable source that either corroborates or contradicts the book, and how or why this book will or will not impact you. See Content Criteria on page 4 for more details. Note that your additional source should be from a recent (within last 5 years), professional journal or website (NIH, CDC, etc.). Blogs, magazines, and newspapers are not considered professional resources. An external source is one that is not included within the course readings. Before you begin writing, review the APA formatted example paper located in the course. Format your paper exactly in this manner. Be sure that you are using correct APA format for all of your citations and references including the book title. Outline your responses to the criteria listed in the rubric and instructions. Use language and examples that demonstrate your understanding of course concepts and reflect your personal position on the author’s stance. Write professionally and concisely. You may write in first person for this assignment. Be sure to proofread your assignment and correct any errors before submitting it. Your paper should be double spaced, include a separate Title and Reference page, and the body of the paper should not exceed 3 pages of double spaced written work. This paper should incorporate scholarly writing. One characteristic of scholarly writing is learning how to paraphrase and cite appropriately and correctly. Your paper should include numerous paraphrases with corresponding citations. However, you are only allowed to include a maximum of 3 quotes (with corresponding citations) within the paper. If you have more than 3 quotes, you will have 2 points deducted for each additional quote. (If you are unsure of the difference between paraphrasing and quotes, please read your APA book or reach out to one of the UTA nursing librarians.) If you submit your book review on a book that is NOT one of the choices on the syllabus, you will receive a 50-point deduction on the book review assignment.  Please pay close attention to the book options on the syllabus to ensure you chose an allowed book for your book review.   Also, if you are repeating the course, you must do your Book Review on the book option that you did not choose the first time you took the course. If your Book Review is on the same book that you reviewed in the previous course, you will receive a zero for this assignment. Rubric Use this rubric to guide your work on the assignment, “Book Review.” Tasks Proficient Acceptable Unacceptable Body of the Paper (max 5 points) Error free professional grammar, spelling, and punctuation, and paragraphs composed of at least 3 well-written sentences and paper within page limits. (5 points) Contains 3 - 4 grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors, or poorly written paragraphs and paper within page limits. (3 points) Greater than 4 grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors, or poorly written paragraphs, or paper exceeds page limits, or does not follow rubric format. (0 points) Introduction (max 5 points) Detailed overview paragraph of paper contents to include information to be discussed within the body of the paper. (5 points) Brief statement of paper contents. (3 points) No introduction. (0 points) Part I: Book (max 10 points) Explanation of reasons for selecting book that include specific references to book title, description, authors, and particular student experience. (10 points) General statement of reason for selecting book with vague references to book or vague example of student experience. (5 points) Missing or unclear reason for selecting book and missing specific reference to book or example of student experience. (0 points) Part II: Two Topics of Interest (max 30 points) Lists 2 separate topics with detailed, specific topic information from the book, and gives a detailed discussion of why the 2 separate topics impacted the reader with specific student examples or experiences for each of the 2 topics. (30 points) Lists 1 topic with general or limited information from the book and gives a general or limited discussion of why the 1 topic impacted the reader, including a general student example or experience. (15 points) No topics addressed, and/or missing both student examples and/or both statements of impact on the reader. (0 points) Part III: Corroboration / Contradiction (max 30 points) Clear, accurate detailed explanation of corroboration or contradiction with at least two specific examples from at least one recent, professional external source on how the external source either corroborates or contradicts the information in the book or the author’s stance. (30 points) General explanation of corroboration or contradiction or only one example from an external source on how the external source either corroborates or contradicts the information in the book or the author’s stance. (15 points) No explanation of corroboration or contradiction and/or missing examples from an external source on how the external source either corroborates or contradicts the information in the book or the author’s stance. (0 points) Part IV: Practice Application (max 10 points) Clear detailed explanation of how or why the book will or will not impact personal actions or professional practice. (10 points) General statement of how or why the book will or will not impact personal actions or professional practice. (5 points) Missing description of how or why the book will or will not impact personal actions or professional practice. (0 points) APA Format (Title page, Headings, Font, Spacing, Reference page, (max 10 points) 0-3 errors in APA format with at least one additional recent external professional resource. (10 points) Paper contains (4-6) different APA errors and at least one additional recent external professional resource. (5 points) Greater than 6 different APA errors and/or missing additional resource, or resource is not recent and/or professional. (0 points) Quotes (3 allowed) See paragraph on scholarly writing in the instructions above. -2 points for each additional quote Book Review Criteria · Arrange your assignment in the following sequence with these required sections and subheadings and the content points noted. · Open a new Word document, and save it to your Desktop with the filename, “yourname_Book_Review,” inserting your name in place of “yourname.” · Begin your paper by setting the margins, font, and header according to APA format. · Click “Save” often to keep from accidentally losing your work. Content Criteria Introduction Write a short paragraph that introduces your paper to the reader. This usually includes mention of all of the content/topics that will be written about within the body of the paper. For example, “First I will explain why I chose….”. Insert Title of Paper at the top of the page, centered, bolded, and in Title case. Then start paragraph. Part I: Book State which book you chose, and discuss why you chose it. Include specific references to book title, description, authors(s), or particular experiences of yours that prompted you to select the book. Insert heading title, centered, bolded, and in Title Case. Then start paragraph. Part II: Two Topics of Interest Write two separate paragraphs describing topics or pieces of information from the book itself that made the greatest impression on you. Discuss why the topic impacted you giving an example of student impact for each of the topics. Insert heading title, centered, bolded, and in Title Case. Then start paragraphs. Part III: Corroboration / Contradiction Provide at least two examples from an external source that either corroborates or contradicts the information or stance taken by the author of the book on your topics of interest. Be specific and relate the information from the external source to the book itself. Insert heading title, centered, bolded, and in Title Case. Then start paragraphs. Part IV: Practice Application Explain why or how the information you gained from the reading of this book will or will not affect your personal actions or your professional practice. Insert heading title, centered, bolded, and in Title Case. Then start paragraph. 2020 UTA College of Nursing and Health Innovation 2 Copyright © 2018 by Althea Press, Emeryville, California No part of this publication be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, Althea Press, 6005 Shellmound Street, Suite 175, Emeryville, CA 94608. 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The fact that an individual, organization, or website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author or the Publisher endorses the information the individual, organization, or website may provide or recommendations they/it may make. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. For general information on our other products and services or to obtain technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (866) 744-2665, or outside the United States at (510) 253-0500. Althea Press publishes its books in a variety of electronic and print formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books, and vice versa. TRADEMARKS: Althea Press and the Althea Press logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Callisto Media Inc. and/or its affiliates, in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Althea Press is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. Cover and Interior Designer: Merideth Harte Editor: Susan Randol Production Editor: Erum Khan Illustrations: Merideth Harte ISBN: Print 978-1-64152-148-2 | eBook 978-1-64152-149-9 QUICK START GUIDE Is this book for you? Check the boxes that often describe you: □ Do you keep your thoughts to yourself, assuming you don’t have anything important to share? □ If you’re not completely sure you can do something, do you think, “Why bother trying?” □ Do you avoid talking to people, worrying that you’ll have nothing to say or come across as awkward? □ Do you second-guess yourself frequently? □ Do you apologize excessively, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? □ Do you hold yourself back from taking risks because you’re afraid you’ll fail? □ When you feel you didn’t perform well, do you spend lots of time afterward ruminating on your mistakes? □ Do you give up easily? □ Does your inner voice tell you, “I’m not good enough; I can’t do it”? □ Do you avoid pursuing some of your goals and dreams because of fear and self-doubt? If you checked several of the boxes, read on to learn about proven strategies to build your self-confidence. To you, the reader: May you have the confidence to show up, stand up, and speak up. The world needs your gifts. CONTENTS Foreword Introduction PART 1: SETTING THE STAGE Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Confidence Chapter 2: Setting Goals and Getting Started PART 2: THE STRATEGIES Chapter 3: Practice Acceptance Chapter 4: Calm Your Body Chapter 5: Work with Your Thoughts Chapter 6: Work with Your Beliefs Chapter 7: Face Your Fears Chapter 8: Moving Forward Resources References Acknowledgments About the Authors HOW TO USE THIS WORKBOOK ON AN EBOOK DEVICE If you’re reading this workbook on a touch-screen device, you can add notes and highlight text just like you would in a physical workbook. Some sections will prompt you to write in answers or personal responses. It’s easy—give it a try right here: ___________. With your finger, tap and hold for a few moments on the line above. Depending on the device you’re using, an icon such as a magnifying glass will appear. Lift your finger and you’ll see an options menu. Select “Note” (or “Notes”) to add and save your own text. When you’re done, an icon or highlighted area will remain, which you can always return to and tap if you want to reopen and read or edit your note. The same tap-and-hold options menu offers “Highlight” or “Color,” which you can select if you want to highlight a passage or “check” a box. Experiment with it: By swiping your finger before releasing you can select entire sentences or paragraphs. The options menu also offers “Bookmark” for when you want quick access back to certain pages. This method is the same on nearly all touch-screen ebook devices, but some have slight variations. If you’d like more information specific to the device you’re holding in your hands, a quick online search will yield best results. FOREWORD RESEARCH HAS SHOWN that self-confidence is linked to almost everything we want in life: success at work, secure relationships, a positive sense of self, and happiness. But what is self-confidence? Why does it appear to be so mysterious? Why does it seem like other people have it and we don’t? In my work as a psychologist, I often find low self-confidence is a common denominator regardless of the problem people come in for. For example, I worked with a young man who suffered from loneliness but was afraid to ask anyone out on a date. He didn’t believe he was attractive enough, or interesting enough, or fun enough. Another client I worked with was a successful businesswoman who was experiencing severe burnout. She took on too many projects, didn’t delegate well, and was prone to perfectionism. Underneath it all, she felt like an impostor, and she overworked herself to compensate. Both, at their core, lacked self-confidence. My clients typically say, “I don’t feel confident, so I couldn’t possibly … [insert desired goal here].” Can you relate? Not many of us are taught how confidence truly works. We get it backwards: We believe we have to wait until we feel confident before we can act confidently. That is why I am so excited you have this book in your hands. You are finally going to learn the truth about confidence: what it is, where it comes from, and how to master the rules of the confidence game. No matter your personality or circumstances, this workbook will show you how to move from passivity to actively pursuing your goals. As a therapist, I’m also excited to have this book as a resource. I frequently assign reading and outside activities to my clients, and The Self- Confidence Workbook fills a much-needed gap. It’s grounded in the latest advances in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), yet it’s reader-friendly, presenting the skills you need in easy-to-digest nuggets. Each chapter contains valuable exercises and includes highly practical action items. Although the book is grounded in science, you won’t get bogged down in technical jargon or long explanations of theory. I first met Dr. Barbara Markway when we both worked at the Anxiety Disorders Center at the St. Louis University School of Medicine over twenty years ago. I was a psychologist and she was a postdoctoral fellow completing advanced training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A skilled and caring therapist, she was also passionate about writing. She was adept at taking scientific information and putting it in everyday language in order to help people beyond her own office. During her time at the Center for OCD and Anxiety-Related Disorders, we co-authored, along with Dr. Alec Pollard and Dr. Cheryl Carmin, Dying of Embarrassment: Help for Social Anxiety and Phobia . Dr. Markway went on to write two other books for those suffering with shyness and social anxiety, Painfully Shy and Nurturing the Shy Child . In addition to her writing, she maintained a clinical practice in a number of settings, from outpatient mental health clinics to private practice. Dr. Markway has helped thousands of people build confidence and accomplish things they never dreamed possible, and I can’t think of a better guide for you in your own journey to self-confidence. I wish you well on this journey. Teresa Flynn, PhD Psychologist and Author Adjunct Professor of Psychology Washington University, St. Louis, Missouri INTRODUCTION I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE. If you asked me to describe myself, I’d use words such as creative , kind , persistent , and hardworking . But I don’t think self-confident would even make the top 10 list of adjectives. That’s because when I’ve historically thought of self- confidence, I’ve pictured someone flashy and bold, and I’m definitely not that. But what I’ve learned is that self-confidence doesn’t have to look flashy. In fact, self-confidence has more to do with inner resolve than with outward bravado. I actually have a healthy degree of self-confidence now, but it wasn’t always that way. I grew up a shy, anxious kid who rarely spoke to people other than my close friends and family. Although bright, I never raised my hand in class to answer a question. I was too afraid even to ask to go to the bathroom. In high school, my math teacher announced to the whole class that I was the quietest kid he had ever taught in his entire teaching career. I was humiliated. Everyone turned around to look at me, and I could feel my face turning hot and red. I went on to college and continued to do well in school, but never dated or enjoyed much of a social life. I was always interested in psychology, partly because I was trying to understand myself. Why was I so shy and quiet? Why couldn’t I just break out of my shell? Why couldn’t I just be myself? I ended up in graduate school studying clinical psychology and earned my PhD. Along the way, I went through a lot of psychotherapy that proved very helpful. I learned to speak up. I learned my opinion mattered. I also learned it was okay to be wrong. I even mustered up the courage to ask my now- husband of nearly 30 years out on a date. Somewhere along the way, I became self-confident—I just didn’t label it as such. I became a psychotherapist and was naturally drawn to helping people with anxiety. There is nothing more satisfying than helping people learn to believe in themselves and master something that once terrified them. I also went on to write three books on overcoming social anxiety and shyness. Over my nearly 30-year career, whether it’s been through face-to-face therapy sessions or through my writing, I have helped thousands of people learn to be more self-confident. They’ve all had something they wanted to do —something important, something they valued—but they were letting fear, doubt, and lack of confidence stand in their way. I’m guessing that if you’ve picked up this book, you may be in the same boat. The good news is you’re completely normal. I know when you’re in the middle of a self-confidence crisis, it can seem like you’re the only one struggling and that everyone else has it all together. But you’re not alone, and this book will help. I’m excited to share with you all I’ve learned about building a meaningful, confident life. I’ve enlisted the help of a friend and fellow writer, Celia Ampel. As a shy person, she started reading my work while studying journalism at the University of Missouri. As a reporter, she has also overcome many of the fears that used to overwhelm her as a kid—she no longer has to write out a script before making a phone call—and much of that progress is thanks to the tools you’ll learn in this book. Although we’re creating this book as a team, we know it can be confusing to switch back and forth between us, alerting the reader to who is saying what. So this book is written in my “voice.” While I hope this book will be helpful, I’m not suggesting that after reading it you will never doubt yourself again. It’s not realistic to expect yourself to have unshakable self-confidence. Everyone struggles with self- doubt and lack of confidence from time to time. It’s part of being human. What this book will do is teach you tools, grounded in science, to help keep your self-critic from jerking you around. You’ll learn to set meaningful goals, deal with your inner doubts, and not second-guess yourself all the time. You’ll be able to walk out on that stage, ask for a raise, write that blog post, or ask someone out on a date. I’m not saying it will always be easy, but it will be possible. And you won’t be on the journey alone. I’ll be guiding you all the way. T PART 1 SETTING THE STAGE ackling the demons of self-doubt is a brave and worthy pursuit. At times, you’re going to feel discouraged or scared, but that just means you’re really trying, which is infinitely better than allowing low self-confidence to keep you on the sidelines of life. The first two chapters of this book will lay the foundation for the work you’ll do to bolster your self-confidence in later sections. In chapter 1 , we’ll dismantle common misconceptions about self- confidence and learn what it really is, where it comes from, and most importantly, that you are totally capable of attaining it. You’ll get a sense of how confident you are right now, setting a baseline from which to measure your growth. You’ll see how different life can be when you have the gusto to go for your goals. In chapter 2 , you’ll examine what’s really important to you, identifying the values closest to your heart so that you can make an action plan that aligns with who you want to be. Then you’ll set goals, envisioning a life where self- doubt doesn’t hold you back from advancing in your career, setting a good example for your kids, facing conflict, building strong relationships, or making a difference in your community. You’ll learn about the science behind the tried-and-true methods this book is based on, all of which will help you get out of your own way and be the best version of yourself. So give yourself a pat on the back for getting started, and let’s go! CHAPTER 1 UNDERSTANDING SELF- CONFIDENCE “IF YOU HEAR A VOICE WITHIN YOU SAYING, ‘YOU CANNOT PAINT,’ THEN BY ALL MEANS PAINT AND THAT VOICE WILL BE SILENCED.” —VINCENT VAN GOGH If you had all the confidence in the world, what would you do? Larry would start that novel he’s been wanting to write. Rita would talk to her boss about the promotion she was promised six months ago. LaShonda would talk to her partner about how she’s been feeling disconnected in the relationship. What about you? What would you do if you had all the confidence in the world? Take a minute and jot down the first thing that comes to mind. ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––- Larry, Rita, and LaShonda don’t want confidence simply for the sake of confidence. Larry wants to express his creativity. Rita wants to stick up for herself. LaShonda wants to improve her relationship. My guess is there’s something you want, but self-doubt and insecurity are holding you back. That’s why I wrote this workbook: to help you take steps toward being your best self. In this chapter, I will define self-confidence and what it can do for you. Together, we’ll explore some myths about what confidence looks like and explain its true origins. Then we’ll examine where low self-confidence comes from: Which life experiences might have shaped your beliefs about yourself? At the end of the chapter, you’ll take a self-assessment to determine your current level of confidence. Start at the Source Confidence is a mysterious quality. It’s one of those things we’d all like to have, but what does it really mean to be confident? Most of the time, it’s defined as a feeling: “I feel confident I can run the 5K in 28 minutes.” We typically associate this type of confidence with calm, ease, and assurance. When we feel confident, we anticipate being successful. The problem with defining confidence as a feeling is that in practice it becomes a catch-22: If you don’t feel confident, you’re not likely to try. There’s another definition of confidence, although it’s not as common. The Latin roots of confidence mean “with trust.” Acting with trust usually means you’re not completely certain of what you’re doing—you’re taking a leap of faith. In other words, it’s what we do that matters, not so much how we feel when we’re doing it. We can see this principle in action by considering the example of Darnell, a man who ordinarily kept to himself. Darnell was passionate about a zoning issue affecting his neighborhood, but he didn’t like attention and feared standing up in front of the city council to speak his mind. However, after reminding himself of how important the issue was to him and his neighbors, Darnell showed up to the meeting and said his piece, even as his hands shook. He didn’t wait for his nervousness to subside entirely— then he might never have been able to speak. Instead, he gathered courage by rooting himself in his beliefs and then taking action. In this book, I’ll use the following definition of self-confidence: the willingness to take steps toward valued goals, even if you’re anxious and the outcome is unknown. True self-confidence is part courage, part competence, with a healthy dose of self-compassion mixed in. I’ll break this definition into bite-size chunks as we move through the workbook. For now, the key points to remember are: Actions come before feelings. Actions are guided by values—the things you care about. Process is more important than outcome. WHERE CONFIDENCE COMES FROM Our beliefs about ourselves are often shaped by those around us, including family, friends, and media messages, sociologists have found. But that doesn’t mean your level of confidence is out of your control—in fact, it’s quite the contrary. Confidence comes from being grounded in your sense of self: remembering who you are, what you value, and the hard work you’ve put in. Studies show that a simple thought exercise can help people decrease their anxiety ahead of having to perform a task in a high-stakes situation. In research led by psychologists David Creswell and David Sherman, participants were asked to take a moment to reflect on a core value—say, being a good friend or respecting the environment. Then, each person wrote about a memory of a time they embodied that value. Those who did the exercise had far lower adrenaline levels heading into stressful situations, such as exams or public speeches, than those who didn’t —even if the core values weren’t at all relevant to the task at hand. What mattered was that the participants were contemplating a deep truth about themselves, rather than a hollow slogan, such as “I’m the best.” I’ll walk you through some similar exercises in chapter 2 . A connection to our authentic selves can also help us take some of the pressure off ourselves going into scary situations. When Tanya was set to give a toast at her sister’s wedding, she was extraordinarily anxious about having all eyes on her. She worried about her hands shaking and her voice quavering. But when she thought about it, impressing all 200 guests with a perfectly delivered speech didn’t truly matter to her. What was really important to Tanya was showing her sister and new brother-in-law how much she loved them and hoped for their happiness. With that principle in mind, she stood up at the ceremony with mostly calm nerves and gave a heartfelt toast that strengthened the bonds she valued the most. Of course, not all self-doubt is a bad thing! Sometimes fear is a signal that we haven’t prepared enough for the big presentation, the recital, or the interview. Practicing what you plan to say and do will give your mind something to fall back on when the pressure is high. The voice of self-doubt may also be saying we need to get more information, move in a different direction, or take a break. But we often err on the side of hesitating too much. Once you’ve put in the hours of practice, you should be able to take action without obsessing over what might go wrong. In this book, we will provide you with the tools to adjust your mind-set to a place of confidence. QUIET CONFIDENCE “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” —SUSAN CAIN Have you ever felt like you had a great idea, but you weren’t confident enough to share it? Maybe you thought you weren’t outgoing enough, assuming that only talkative people get noticed. It’s true that society tends to place more value on extroversion. That means if you’re an introvert, you may have struggled more with self- confidence, feeling like you don’t fit in or are somehow defective. Fortunately, thanks in part to Susan Cain’s best-selling book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, introverts are coming into their own, and many of the myths about introversion are being challenged. So, if you’re a self-described introvert, don’t worry. You are not going to have to change your personality to enjoy greater self- confidence. As Mahatma Gandhi wisely said, “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” WHAT IT MEANS TO BE CONFIDENT When you envision a confident person, you might think of someone who takes big, bold actions, like running for office or proposing marriage on the jumbotron. But there can be a lot of boldness and bravery in small steps. Confidence isn’t something you have to possess every moment of every day. Nor should you expect to jump instantly into perfect self-assurance tomorrow. Instead, confidence is a choice to take steps to act in line with your values. Those incremental changes build on themselves, both through our own feelings of accomplishment and reinforcement from others. But in order to set off that virtuous cycle, it’s important to practice self-compassion: speaking to yourself with the kindness and patience you would show a loved one or a child. For example, when Sofia moved to a new city with her husband, she knew she wanted to make more friends. She heard about a free poetry workshop at a local café, and although she enjoyed writing, she was hesitant to attend. What if she had to read her amateur poetry in front of everyone? Sofia told herself it was okay just to go, even if she didn’t speak up as much as other people. She introduced herself to a few others at the table and participated in the writing prompts, but stayed silent when the instructor asked for volunteers to read their poems. At the very end of the event, she raised her hand once to thank the teacher for the workshop. On the way home, Sofia had a choice. She could let her inner critic run wild, saying, You’re such a weirdo … You sat there silently the whole night … People probably wondered why you were even there, and they found you unfriendly, too! Those thoughts would probably convince her the night had been a failure and that she should never go back to the monthly meetings. Or, instead, Sofia could congratulate herself. She could see attending the workshop as a big, bold step—hey, by thanking the instructor, she even spoke in front of the whole group! Next month, she can set a goal to go back, have more conversations with the other participants, and maybe even share her writing. Her self-compassion, a concept we’ll explore more later in the book, will allow her confidence to grow. As Sofia shows us, you don’t have to change your personality to be confident. There is emotional complexity in confidence. You can be strong and bold, but also honest, kind, and comfortable. Think about a time you let your inner critic stop you from trying something new. What could you say to yourself next time to be more self- compassionate? ––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––– WHAT CONFIDENCE IS NOT Some of us fear confidence because we don’t want to start stepping on other people’s toes, taking up too much space, or just plain being a jerk. But confidence isn’t the same as arrogance or narcissism. In fact, when we feel confident in ourselves, we often become less self-absorbed. When we stop worrying so much about how we’re coming across, we can pay more attention to those around us. Confidence is not about being the one who speaks the loudest or who dominates every moment. It’s also not about having a fancy car or other symbols of wealth or status. It’s about being rooted in who you really are, freeing up your mind from obsessive worry and self-doubt. Confidence is about being rooted in who you really are. Staying grounded in a sense of self includes having a realistic view of your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Confidence can be a helpful buffer against internalizing unhelpful criticism that doesn’t have much to do with what you really value—for instance, you can let your mother-in-law’s comment about your hairstyle roll off your back. That doesn’t mean you ignore all criticism because you believe you’re already perfect. On the contrary, a confident person can accept helpful feedback and act on it without getting defensive. When your sense of self-worth is no longer on the table, you can handle criticism or even outright rejection without allowing it to break you. By the same token, confidence doesn’t mean you mow other people down when a conflict arises. It’s possible to speak your mind with conviction and still make room to listen to someone else’s point of view, and even reach a compromise. Lastly, confidence doesn’t mean you won’t fail. It doesn’t mean you’re always smiling or that you never experience anxiety or self-doubt. Instead, it means you know you can handle those feelings and push through them to conquer the next challenge. …