Fluent Essays

I want you to critique 3 poems, attached file has two poems and comments of the instructor( just to give you an example about how she commented) please make sure to be detailed and not to be redundant. I will send you the third one as soon as someone posted a poem. If you finish one and you can send it to me, it would be perfect so I can see it. the other attached file is about poetic devices. Examine the poem more closely and briefly reflect upon poetic techniques/devices the poet employed to make this an engaging poem eg voice, point of view, assonance, consonance, alliteration, enjambment, metaphor, meter, rhythm, stress. Many of these techniques were discussed in the two chapters I assigned for reading this week. Make sure you quote from the poem to back up your discussions. Follow critique rules (below): Answer the questions: “What are the poem’s strengths?” and “What would help improve the poem?”Pay attention to other classmates’ feedback so as not to be redundant. Be thoughtful, considerate, and constructive in your comments. Start with the positive comments first.Provide detailed feedback using the concepts and terms (rhyme, tone, humor, imagery) discussed in the course.Explain why the writing as a whole works for what it is trying to do, why it doesn’t, or why some elements of it work while others don’t. Dont simply say, “I like this” or “I don’t like this.” Critiques Your critique must be thoughtful, considerate, and constructive. I will be reading over them checking to see that they are thoughtful and constructive with the intent of improving the piece of writing. Instead of just saying, “I like this” or “I don’t like this,” explain why the writing as a whole works for what it is trying to do or why it doesn’t, or why some elements of it work while others don’t. See “Workshop Rules” for guidelines on returning these critiques. poems.docx devices.pdf Unformatted Attachment Preview First Poem: ‘Shook April enters through the side door, entourage in tow, Clothes so chic they might still bore the tag. May enters through the back door, head hung low, Clothes so hand me down; you can no longer find them around. The music plays and the students sway, while neon lights scan the ceiling. In the middle of a human train, someone parts the way, And April and May come face to face. Eyes meet and an indescribable heat rises from April’s feet. May pauses and thinks to themself, what is wrong with me? Unaware April and May are Of the shakiness of hands, the sweat accumulating on palms. The tune of the bands all but forgotten as hearts beat louder. Both move closer together into the circle, but their knees go weak And April rushes to help May stand on their own two feet. When hands meet, a chill runs through their bodies. Their insides shake, shake, shake, shake, shake In the middle of a human train, where someone parted the way, April and May came face to face and an aroma washed all over the place, buttercup. And those two are left, on the floor, all shook up. Instructor Comment There are some lovely vivid, rich images here and I definitely get a palpable sense of place: a loud, sweaty dance floor. The first stanza is particularly successful (I especially liked the description “clothes so chic they might still bore the tag”). You clearly introduce the two main characters and make explicit their contrasts. The second stanza is vivid too, with more vivid detail and letter repetition/alliteration of the s “muSic playS…StudentS Sway…”. The third stanza is clear too. I liked the internal rhyme of meet/heat/feet”. I wasn’t sure about “indescribable”, I think you can choose a better, more vivid adjective - to actually describe the indescribable. Also, I am not sure about the line “thinks to themself (I think you mean herself?) What is wrong with me? I think you can choose better words to articulate exactly what she is feeling - what is she feeling? As for the fourth stanza, I like the placement of “Unaware” as the first word in the sentence, and your exploration with enjambment “Unaware…./Of the shakiness….” But I think you can alter the word order such that a more significant word starts the second sentence instead of “Of” eg you could write “Unaware April and May are of the/Shakiness…..”… Also I did question whether they were unaware of the shakiness and sweat? Is that referring to April and May’s shakiness and sweat or everyone’s in the room? I think April and May are aware of their own nervousness around each other? Could you clarify? Also, I think you need to correct “April… stand on HER own to feet.” I also would omit And at the beginning of the sentence. Just make it a new sentence. As for the last stanza, I think it can be improved to say something more unexpected or different. As it stands, it falls a little flat and I am a bit confused. I don’t mind the repetition of shake but why repeat the line “April and May come face to face”? I think the real striking point in this final stanza is that their hands/skin finally touch here. Why mention the human train again and parting the way etc? I love the elusive description of buttercup but the line “And those two are left, on the floor, all shook up” falls a bit flat. I wanted something else. We know they are shook up. I suspect this poem is a metaphor for the seasons, the uncertainty of the weather in April and May, the budding of flowers (buttercup), the wind often shaking the trees, the aroma that arises from the flowers… And I LOVE LOVE this idea. But I do think it needs a bit more work to bring this out more…. Why is April so chic? I don’t think of April as more chic than May. I do however think of April showers, April rain. Maybe you can mention rain more… and also instead of painting a picture of a dance floor and confusing the reader a little, maybe choose a landscape scene instead? Second Poem: Deirdre is the color yellow she is warm light on white linen in the morning soft and tender heaven to a lazy cat with one paw stretched out as if she were reaching for something in her dreams She’s the basil on the kitchen windowsill a taste of home in a foreign place a trophy from the inaugural trip to the store still growing despite a caretaker without a green thumb she’s fresh paint on a new canvas pure primary pigments hypnotically blending together creating beauty out of nothing finally expressing what cannot be said She’s finally being able to play an e chord on the ukulele after months of contorting fingers like a gymnast to round out the perfect routine with the final missing note She’s the first batch of pesto pasta of the summer to be eaten around a table outside with wet beach towels wrapped around waists so fresh so rich she’s driving down an empty highway at night with the windows down, blasting the radio as if we were in our own coming of age teen movie Deirdre is the color yellow, And there is a reason my favorite flower of all Faces the sun Instructor Comment There is so much to admire in this gorgeous poem which was such a treat to read. I love the specific nature of all your rich details. Avoiding cliche, you choose descriptions that are unique and vivid and you artfully pull them together into a poem with a robust yet fluid form. I love your use of enjambment here, your careful attention to word choice and order. My only critique is to a) cut the finally in the third stanza (you have finally in the fourth stanza…and use finally again in the fifth.. and indeed final again in the same stanza - I’d use a synonym), b) I love how Deidre turns out to be a flower (the reveal at the end is great - until then I thought it referred to a female lover). However, from my google search, I see that the flower can be many different colors. I wonder therefore if you might change the line “Deidre is the color yellow.” I love the sound of that line but wonder if you can change it. Poetic Devices Poetry is the kind of thing poets write. — Robert Frost Man, if you gotta ask, you’ll never know. — Louis Armstrong A POET IS LIMITED in the materials he can use in creating his works: all he has are words to express his ideas and feelings. These words need to be precisely right on several levels at once: • they must sound right to the listener even as they delight his ear • they must have a meaning which might have been unanticipated, but seems to be the perfectly right one • they must be arranged in a relationship and placed on the page in ways that are at once easy to follow and assist the reader in understanding • they must probe the depths of human thought, emotion, and empathy, while appearing simple, self-contained, and unpretentious Fortunately, the English language contains a wide range of words from which to choose for almost every thought, and there are also numerous plans or methods of arrangement of these words, called poetic devices, which can assist the writer in developing cogent expressions pleasing to his readers. Even though most poetry today is read silently, it must still carry with it the feeling of being spoken aloud, and the reader should practice “hearing” it in order to catch all of the artfulness with which the poet has created his work. the SOUNDS of words Words or portions of words can be clustered or juxtaposed to achieve specific kinds of effects when we hear them. The sounds that result can strike us as clever and pleasing, even soothing. Others we dislike and strive to avoid. These various deliberate arrangements of words have been identified. Alliteration: Repeated consonant sounds at the beginning of words placed near each other, usually on the same or adjacent lines. A somewhat looser definition is that it is the use of the same consonant in any part of adjacent words. Example: fast and furious Example: Peter and Andrew patted the pony at Ascot In the second definition, both P and T in the example are reckoned as alliteration. It is noted that this is a very obvious device and needs to be handled with great restraint, except in specialty forms such as limerick, cinquain, and humorous verse. Assonance: Repeated vowel sounds in words placed near each other, usually on the same or adjacent lines. These should be in sounds that are accented, or stressed, rather than in vowel sounds that are unaccented. Example: He’s a bruisin’ loser In the second example above, the short A sound in Andrew, patted, and Ascot would be assonant. Consonance: Repeated consonant sounds at the ending of words placed near each other, usually on the same or adjacent lines. These should be in sounds that are accented, or stressed, rather than in vowel –1– sounds that are unaccented. This produces a pleasing kind of near-rhyme. Example: boats into the past Example: cool soul Cacophony A discordant series of harsh, unpleasant sounds helps to convey disorder. This is often furthered by the combined effect of the meaning and the difficulty of pronunciation. Example: My stick fingers click with a snicker And, chuckling, they knuckle the keys; Light-footed, my steel feelers flicker And pluck from these keys melodies. —“Player Piano,” John Updike Euphony: A series of musically pleasant sounds, conveying a sense of harmony and beauty to the language. Example: Than Oars divide the Ocean, Too silver for a seam— Or Butterflies, off Banks of Noon Leap, plashless as they swim. — “A Bird Came Down the Walk,” Emily Dickenson (last stanza) Onomatopoeia: Words that sound like their meanings. In Hear the steady tick of the old hall clock, the word tick sounds like the action of the clock, If assonance or alliteration can be onomatopoeic, as the sound ‘ck’ is repeated in tick and clock, so much the better. At least sounds should suit the tone – heavy sounds for weightiness, light for the delicate. Tick is a light word, but transpose the light T to its heavier counterpart, D; and transpose the light CK to its heavier counterpart G, and tick becomes the much more solid and down to earth dig. Example: boom, buzz, crackle, gurgle, hiss, pop, sizzle, snap, swoosh, whir, zip Repetition: The purposeful re-use of words and phrases for an effect. Sometimes, especially with longer phrases that contain a different key word each time, this is called parallelism. It has been a central part of poetry in many cultures. Many of the Psalms use this device as one of their unifying elements. Example: I was glad; so very, very glad. Example: Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward… … Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley’d and thunder’d… Rhyme: This is the one device most commonly associated with poetry by the general public. Words that have different beginning sounds but whose endings sound alike, including the final vowel sound and everything following it, are said to rhyme. Example: time, slime, mime Double rhymes include the final two syllables. Example: revival, arrival, survival Triple rhymes include the final three syllables. Example: greenery, machinery, scenery A variation which has been used effectively is called slant rhyme, or half rhyme. If only the final consonant sounds of the words are the same, but the initial consonants and the vowel sounds are different, then the rhyme is called a slant rhyme or half rhyme. When this appears in the middle of lines rather than at the end, it is called consonance. Example: soul, oil, foul; taut, sat, knit Another variation which is occasionally used is called near rhyme. If the final vowel sounds are the –2– same, but the final consonant sounds are slightly different, then the rhyme is called a near rhyme. Example: fine, rhyme; poem, goin’ Less effective but sometimes used are sight rhymes. Words which are spelled the same (as if they rhymed), but are pronounced differently are called sight rhymes or eye rhymes. Example: enough, cough, through, bough Rhythm: Although the general public is seldom directly conscious of it, nearly everyone responds on some level to the organization of speech rhythms (verbal stresses) into a regular pattern of accented syllables separated by unaccented syllables. Rhythm helps to distinguish poetry from prose. Example: i THOUGHT i SAW a PUSsyCAT. Such patterns are sometimes referred to as meter. Meter is the organization of voice patterns, in terms of both the arrangement of stresses and their frequency of repetition per line of verse. Poetry is organized by the division of each line into “feet,” metric units which each consist of a particular arrangement of strong and weak stresses. The most common metric unit is the iambic, in which an unstressed syllable is followed by a stressed one (as in the words reverse and compose). Scansion is the conscious measure of the pattern of stressed and unstressed syllables in a line of poetry. Stressed syllables are labeled with an accent mark: / Unstressed syllables are labeled with a dash: – Metrical feet may be two or three syllables in length, and are divided by slashes: | There are five basic rhythms: Pattern Name Example –/ Iamb/Iambic invite /– Trochee/Trochaic deadline ––/ Anapest/Anapestic to the beach /–– Dactyl/Dactylic frequently / / Spondee/Spondaic true blue Meter is measured by the number of feet in a line. Feet are named by Greek prefix number words attached to “meter.” A line with five feet is called pentameter; thus, a line of five iambs is known as “iambic pentameter” (the most common metrical form in English poetry, and the one favored by Shakespeare). The most common line lengths are: monometer: one foot tetrameter: four feet heptameter: seven feet dimeter: two feet pentameter: five feet octameter: eight feet trimeter: three feet hexameter: six feet Naturally, there is a degree of variation from line to line, as a rigid adherence to the meter results in unnatural or monotonous language. A skillful poet manipulates breaks in the prevailing rhythm of a poem for particular effects. the MEANINGs of words Most words convey several meanings or shades of meaning at the same time. It is the poet’s job to find words which, when used in relation to other words in the poem, will carry the precise intention of thought. Often, some of the more significant words may carry several layers or “depths” of meaning at once. The ways in which the meanings of words are used can be identified. Allegory: A representation of an abstract or spiritual meaning. Sometimes it can be a single word or phrase, such as the name of a character or place. Often, it is a symbolic narrative that has not only a literal meaning, but a larger one understood only after reading the entire story or poem –3– Allusion: A brief reference to some person, historical event, work of art, or Biblical or mythological situation or character. Ambiguity: A word or phrase that can mean more than one thing, even in its context. Poets often search out such words to add richness to their work. Often, one meaning seems quite readily apparent, but other, deeper and darker meanings, await those who contemplate the poem. Example: Robert Frost’s ‘The Subverted Flower’ Analogy: A comparison, usually something unfamiliar with something familiar. Example: The plumbing took a maze of turns where even water got lost. Apostrophe: Speaking directly to a real or imagined listener or inanimate object; addressing that person or thing by name. Example: O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done… Cliché: Any figure of speech that was once clever and original but through overuse has become outdated. If you’ve heard more than two or three other people say it more than two or three times, chances are the phrase is too timeworn to be useful in your writing. Example: busy as a bee Connotation: The emotional, psychological or social overtones of a word; its implications and associations apart from its literal meaning. Often, this is what distinguishes the precisely correct word from one that is merely acceptable. Contrast: Closely arranged things with strikingly different characteristics. Example: He was dark, sinister, and cruel; she was radiant, pleasant, and kind. Denotation: The dictionary definition of a word; its literal meaning apart from any associations or connotations. Students must exercise caution when beginning to use a thesaurus, since often the words that are clustered together may share a denotative meaning, but not a connotative one, and the substitution of a word can sometimes destroy the mood, and even the meaning, of a poem. Euphemism: An understatement, used to lessen the effect of a statement; substituting something innocuous for something that might be offensive or hurtful. Example: She is at rest. (meaning, she’s dead) Hyperbole: An outrageous exaggeration used for effect. Example: He weighs a ton. Irony: A contradictory statement or situation to reveal a reality different from what appears to be true. Example: Wow, thanks for expensive gift...let’s see: did it come with a Fun Meal or the Burger King equivalent? Metaphor: A direct comparison between two unlike things, stating that one is the other or does the action of the other. Example: He’s a zero. Example: Her fingers danced across the keyboard. Metonymy: A figure of speech in which a person, place, or thing is referred to by something closely associated with it. Example: The White House stated today that... Example: The Crown reported today that... Oxymoron: A combination of two words that appear to contradict each other. Example: a pointless point of view; bittersweet –4– Paradox: A statement in which a seeming contradiction may reveal an unexpected truth. Example: The hurrier I go the behinder I get. Personification: Attributing human characteristics to an inanimate object, animal, or abstract idea. Example: The days crept by slowly, sorrowfully. Pun: Word play in which words with totally different meanings have similar or identical sounds. Example: Like a firefly in the rain, I’m de-lighted. Simile: A direct comparison of two unlike things using “like” or “as.” Example: He’s as dumb as an ox. Example: Her eyes are like comets. Symbol: An ordinary object, event, animal, or person to which we have attached extraordinary meaning and significance – a flag to represent a country, a lion to represent courage, a wall to symbolize separation. Example: A small cross by the dangerous curve on the road reminded all of Johnny’s death. Synecdoche: Indicating a person, object, etc. by letting only a certain part represent the whole. Example: All hands on deck. Arranging the words Words follow each other in a sequence determined by the poet. In order to discuss the arrangements that result, certain terms have been applied to various aspects of that arrangement process. Although in some ways these sequences seem arbitrary and mechanical, in another sense they help to determine the nature of the poem. These various ways of organizing words have been identified. Point of View: The author’s point of view concentrates on the vantage point of the speaker, or “teller” of the story or poem. This may be considered the poem’s “voice” — the pervasive presence behind the overall work. This is also sometimes referred to as the persona. • 1st Person: the speaker is a character in the story or poem and tells it from his/her perspective (uses “I”). • 3rd Person limited: the speaker is not part of the story, but tells about the other characters through the limited perceptions of one other person. • 3rd Person omniscient: the speaker is not part of the story, but is able to “know” and describe what all characters are thinking. Line: The line is fundamental to the perception of poetry, marking an important visual distinction from prose. Poetry is arranged in ... Purchase answer to see full attachment